DATE AUCTION FEB 21: CHECK OUT OUR HOT TICKET ITEMS!!!!!!

A message from Adam Pullano: I love your outline, baby. I need a little something to relieve some stress during exams. Be my Chief Justice and grant cert to this appeal (for hot, hot loving). If you feel the same way (and want to join me for some Rule 19 (Joinder of Parties), bid highly and I’ll show you a good hornbook.

Austen Ishii is the cartoonist for the Fordham Law Record. His hobbies include New York Area job fairs, silently walking up behind people, and blogging about his dumpster diving adventures. Turnoffs include awkward silences and laws. Austen is first cousins with Modern Family’s Sophia Vergara.

David Harvey first appeared in the early 80s. When David Harvey was a janitor at Fordham Law, a professor left an impossible legal question on the board overnight, and only David Harvey could solve it. Granted admission on the spot, he is one of our most promising students. David Harvey once drove a car to Mongolia. David Harvey once almost got a tattoo one time but didn’t. He still has other tattoos though. Some say David Harvey is a ghost, but those people are wrong. David enjoys thrift shopping, commuting on the L train, and urban camping. Turn offs include dancing and kids who won’t get off his lawn.

Edgar can fell a tree in one stroke, and turn it into a beautiful piece of furniture in less than three hours. He can run or swim a mile in 5 minutes flat. He excels at every sport. He raises and butchers his own meat, but being so humble and modest, will probably not cook for you on your date. Instead, he will take you out for the best meal of your life. He can’t wait to meet you.

If the Statue of Liberty were to become a 6’1”, 220 lb, 22 year old cast-iron male, George Rhein would be that statue.  George leads a busy life, juggling his schoolwork and his lifelong crusade to vanquish tyranny– and yet he still makes time for friends and fun.  Indeed he is a man of many masks.  The Swiss Army knife of people.  He has personally abated every natural disaster since July 7th, 1990.  Only the Liberty Bell rings louder and truer than George’s remarkably steady heartbeat.  When George isn’t punishing warlords he enjoys operettas and taming frothy beasts.  His life hasn’t been all popsicles, though – he was tormented as a lad by his inadvertent tendency to seduce older women.  Since then he has found solace in being thrice crowned Earth’s #1 Most Fancy Man.  His favorite memory is when God once visited him in a dream, and they shook hands.  Turnoffs include detours and white belts.

Kelvin Collado was voted Fordham’s Most Eligible Bachelor two years in a row. He has front row tickets to every Jets, Mets, Giants, and Yankees game, and bottle service at every club. Jay-Z is his godfather and the two can often be seen hanging out together in Brooklyn. Kelvin is looking for a woman with a car, a beautiful face, and maybe a nice personality.

Linda Ann Jordan has an identical twin at Fordham Law. The two are known for their mischievousness, often getting into and out of comedic scrapes because of their identical looks. Linda, however, unlike her twin, is not possessed by an evil demon. Linda enjoys Brooklyn, craft beers, bacon cupcakes, and ironic bands. She hates being called a hipster.

Four out of five dentists agree that Lisa Vasnani is pretty swell. Lisa hails from Chicago, a city she considers pretty great but a clear step down from New York. Each week, Lisa bakes three times her body weight in cake, making her a good person to know. She is also an excellent photographer. If you know what I mean. She is an avid Cubs and/or White Sox fan. She would like to assure potential suitors that she is not a robot sent from the future to Kill. John. Connor. Lisa enjoys spirited discussion, the fiction oeuvre of Bill O’Reilly, and turning into totally awesome liquid metal when damaged but reconstituting into an unstoppable robot. Turn offs include golf.

Michelle “La Rodilla” Gonzalez is hot like fire. To her allies and foes alike, she declares, “All I do is win, win, win.” She further declares that “All I do is win, win, win” is a registered copyright of We the Best Music Group. Michelle Gonzalez still thinks Pluto is a planet, but is not so sure about Neptune. Her favorite emoji include the panda face, the sweat drops, and the camel. She enjoys a quick wit, fine food, and men who drive Chevys. Turn offs include skin on pudding and the laughter of children.

Before coming to law school, Nita Narayan was a dietician to the stars. She is the inventor of such fad diets as “The Asparagus Diet,” “the Ozark Diet,” and the “Nails! All you eat is nails!” Since her abrupt exit from the medical profession, Nita has become one of Fordham’s most beloved students, lighting up Fordham with her trademark smile and charming Cockney accent. Nita enjoys TV on DVD, vegetarianism, and T-shirts. Turn offs include garbage, sadness.

Universal Justice’s highest ranked couple, Kali L. Peterson and Jeremy Rothstein enjoy long walks on the beach, but not with each other. Kali writes novels under the pseudonym E.L. James. Jeremy is totally not made up; you just haven’t met him because he lives in Canada. Historians disagree as to how they met, but there is strong evidence of foul play. Kali and Jeremy like Nita, Dave, Lisa, and Michelle. Turnoffs include ATTICA!!!!!!!!

Prescott Loveland is the nicest person in the universe. He will hold your hair after a long night at Lincoln Park, send you his notes if you miss class, and print double-sided to save the environment. In addition, he plans to devote his life to juvenile justice. He wants you to know that you are uniquely special to him, and he’s really looking forward to hanging out with you. He will almost certainly wear a vest on your date.

Robbie Auray is a natural blonde. He used to be a surfer in Maui, until encountering a swarm of sharks. None of the sharks survived, but Robbie has not been back in the water since. He does not need to bathe, as he is naturally spring breeze scented. His skills include egg frying, pool shooting, snow running, playlist assembling, smoothie making, backgammon losing, and beer opening. Turn offs include backgammon.

Scott Silverberg is a 3L making the most of his remaining time here at Fordham. He enjoys karaoke, cooking, puppies, and sunsets. Scott has spent his time at Fordham finding the easiest classes to take and the most private areas of the library. A night with this stud to help support human rights will give a whole new meaning to the phrase pro bono.

The date will include: Dinner at a fine New York City restaurant followed by any of the great activities this wonderful city has to offer. Ice Skating? I’m there. Live music at a jazz club downtown? I’m all for it. A stroll through Riverside Park to watch the sunset? That’s one of my favorite things. When you have me for a night, the options are endless.

P.S. – I cook a great breakfast.

Before coming to law school, Sofia Linarte spent four years living with a tribe of anthropologists. She also co-starred in the 2004 direct-to-video film, “Cruel Intentions 3.” Her state bird is the red-tufted warbler. Sofia resides in Staten Island with her cats, Harry, X-Tina, Tim the Cat, Richard Nixon, $oy $auce, and Harry. Sofia enjoys music, television, and movies. Turnoffs include homonyms and secondary colors.

Whitney Costin is originally from LA. When she was 14, she became P-Diddy’s dog walker, which led to write her first bestselling novel, “Dog Widdy: A Love Story.” She has gone on to a glittering career as a fiction author, generating a rivalry with Stephen King that Mr. King takes very personally after Whitney taunted him onstage at the Fiction Writers of America awards in 2010. Whitney led this year’s winter UJ trip to Nicaragua.